nameless.

I'm such a loser.
I keep screwing up.
Sometimes I feel like I would be an exception for God's love since I continue to fail Him.
But still, God seems to be my only advocate.
His patience and love is astounding.


.....

Current Confessions.

I would sell my leg for some balance in my life right about now.
I'm gauging my ears which my mother isn't so fond of.
I'm less passionate about God right now.
I'm five weeks behind on my bible study in a year.
I'm jumping up to God as Satan is pulling me down.
I'm losing touch with friends.
I haven't read something that isn't required in months.
I'm losing patience for everything that is coming. A family. A career of ministry.
Bloody hell...

the end.

Raise Your Hand If You're Insane.

Some part of me thought that college would be easier than high school. I thought I would escape the guys that talked about inappropriate things. I thought I would escape the arrogance and the craziness. But I didn't. There are still those guys that I would love to punch in the face. There are still those people that love to talk about themselves. Isn't this place supposed to be about maturity? High school was rough. I was put in lockers, thrown in trash cans, spit on, called awful names, and made fun of. Although college hasn't been that bad yet, I guess I just had high hopes. The truth is that college is hard. All new people. Tons of work. College is asking almost too much for a 21st century student. "Do your homework. Oh wait but you need to study for this exam. Wait you need to go to church. Wait you haven't seen your friends in weeks. Wait your personal life is falling apart. Wait how long has it been since you have read your bible? Wait how many hours of sleep did you get?" There are not enough hours in a day these days. A few more hours would be nice. Balance is a rare commodity these days. I find that I am holding on by a thread sometimes. And even better I am broke, unemployed, insomniac, losing touch with all of my friends, and its only the first quarter. I don't like this. The only good part of college is bible study. I wonder if I could steal a bachelor's and masters degree without actually going to college....hmm. Satan is loving this. he is trying to hit me where it hurts. Its very possible that I will be in a coma by the end of the year. hip hip hooray college is dumb. Worth it?
Thus, concluding the ramblings of an overwrought crazy person.

Learning Experiences

Well let me begin my saying that God is crazy. He is introducing me to people that are so in love with him and that are helping me become closer to Him and help me learn more. I am not really sure what God is up to, but He's up to something. I keep screwing things up everyday, and yet He still loves me. Lately things, on occasion, are rough, but he's helping me through, helping me grow more and learn more. I ask for patience and He gives me cars that are going 55 when they should be going 65, He's giving me people that are arrogant, discriminatory, judgemental, naive, and annoying, He's given me a cat that won't behave, He's given me things that I've heard on the news that break my heart and make me angry, but I am learning. He is answering. Sure I still freak out in my own impatience, but I am learning. He is helping shield me from temptation. He is showing me how to use the gifts He has given me. God is good. 8-)=

A Girl Called Gus And The Case Of Summer Greatness.

Summer is a lovely thing.

Went to Portland for a birthday thing where we were followed by numerous creepers, lost basically the whole time, and had wonderful bacon maple bars from the famous voodoo donut shop.

We all decided to make a trip out to the Tree of Life in auburn. It truly is a great and wonderful tree.

This was a sign that someone had changed around to say "F Old People." One of the greatest jokes of the entire trip to Republic.

We then went to the lake where we decided go on an adventure where we "frolicked" through the wildflowers.

The Team.

This summer has consisted of wonderful friendships, interesting escapades, and has been full of memories. They say a picture is worth a thousand words so I guess there is really no point in continuing any further. That's all folks.

Sincerely,
Kelsey Jo Gus

The Pond Called Life.

I am nothing but a small, scarred fish in the pond called life. I have been caught and reeled in by a great and mighty fisherman named God. I struggle when I get close to Him because it get's hard. I face more challenges and it gets difficult to breathe. So I try and let the line out a bit because I tell myself that I can do it on my own, and I can go back to the last time I felt truly and completely good. But, He still has a hold of me. Even as I push myself away from Him, and deny and disappoint Him, He still has me in His hands. As I struggle, as I hurt, at it gets harder to breathe, He still has a hold of me and has promised to never let go.

Advice.

Don't teach. Learn. Don't ignore. Accept. Don't run. Commit. Finish something. Try to find your true motives. Make up your mind and stick with it so you won't cause so much damage next time.

So long.

Sincerely,
just another girl.

A Girl Called Gus and the Case of The Catan Obsession.

I played the game Catan with Bryn and her family today. I love it.
That's all folks.
Kelsey Jo Gus.

A Girl Called Gus and the Case of Finally Reaching Contentment.

Wow all of a sudden I have realized how good life is. I have rediscovered God, rediscovered life, and rediscovered myself. I am simply joyous. I have been reflecting on my life lately and all that God has brought me through and He was always faithful and always will be. I am completely over past hurts. My senior year is coming to a close. Relationships with people around me have been improving and I have finally stripped my heart of the layers I had previously wrapped it up in. For the first time in a long time, I feel completely and genuinely good. Complete.

A Girl Called Gus and the Curious Case of the Picture That Looks Like It Has A Spaceship In It But Is Really Just A Reflection

Turns out this is just a reflection in the windshield of my camera and my hand.

The Chronicles of Gus and the Curious Case of Edible [and possibly quite disgusting] Amusment Parks for the Palate.

These are all things that I have found while searching on the website http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/ All of these are things that have shocked me and have simply made my day. Enjoy...



Tony’s BLT
One pound of fried bacon on a toasted Italian bread with lettuce, tomato and mayo. (Not that you would know that anything else besides bacon was present)

IHOP Who-Cakes
Inspired by Horton Hears a Who! : A stack of five pancakes drenched in boysenberry and blueberry syrup, covered in rainbow-colored chocolate candy and topped with a pink Dum-Dum lollipop.

Chipwich on a Stick
Ice cream dipped in chocolate, rolled in sprinkles and peanuts, sandwiched between two fresh waffles and served on a stick.

The Icingcano
Bottom layer of brownies, topped by a layer of chocolate cake and a layer of red velvet cake, smothered in Oreos mixed with frosting, rice Krispies, marshmallow fluff, meringue and chocolate pudding.

The Bacon and Chicken Narwahl (I WILL make one of these)

Meta Meat Cake

Four types of sausage, bratwurst, chorizo, ground beef, ground pork, diced ham, Canadian bacon, pepperoni, hickory smoked bacon, hot cappy, queso blanco, provolone and sharp cheddar, wrapped in sausage, bacon and cheese ball dough and baked. Then decorated with American, cheddar squeeze cheese and bacon strips.

Now that my arteries are slamming shut as we speak and I wish to never visit Who-Ville, I bid you adieu.
Fare Thee Well imaginary fellow blog-readers.

The Chronicles of Gus and the Case of the Rainy Day Endeavors.

Well today was a rainy day. Full of saddened clouds and sporadic down-pourings of tears. Really wasn't a sad day though which is subsequently a good thing. So I decided to take some pictures before the batteries in my camera failed to go on any further.



My guitar that has no name because I am incredibly indecisive.

Oh the tulips.


I have reached the point where I am out of words...........

A Girl Called Gus and the Case of My Trip To Wonderland.

Sometimes I wonder where I have gone. I wonder where I escape to. It's almost as if I am a bundle of warm air and then crap opens the door and there I go, flooding away from God. It seems so much easier to just run away from God until He smacks me in the face and tells me He is always right here. What the heck. Apathy has become my best and worst friend. I want a divorce. Maybe I am in wonderland and the other part of me with no emotion is in the real world. It's almost 1:30 in the morning. Goodness. Subsequently I have nothing to say.

The Chronicles of Gus and the Curious Case of the Perfect Lyrics

I need to just admit my faith is paper thin I'm feeling so burned out On religion I say an empty prayer I sing a tired song I need to just admit that the passion's gone And I want to get it back You told me Look for You and I will find So I'm here Like I'm searching for the first time Revive me, Jesus Make this cold heart start to move Help me rediscover You I want to learn to pray The way that David prayed I want my soul to burn when I hear Your name I want to feel like new I want to hunger for you Bring me back to life like only You can do Cause I don't want to stay the same You told me Look for You and I will find So I'm here Like I'm searching for the first time Revive me, Jesus Make this cold heart start to move Help me rediscover You Lord, I want to be Yours today I want to know the passion of the saints And how they were changed You told me Look for You and I will find So I'm here Like I'm searching for the first time Revive me, Jesus Make this cold heart start to move I want to burn for You Bring me back to life, Jesus Help me rediscover You. >>>>Rediscover You-Starfield
Thanks Becca.

The Chronicles of Gus and the Case of a Cold Heart in God's Microwave.

Lately I have had a numb heart that has no passion left in it. It has left me to simply go through the motions. Days and weeks have been passing by me and I haven't even seen them. Today was one of those days where I have bottled things up for so long and now the floodgates have been opened to what seems to be endless tears, repentance, and another turn. I am a sinner. If I was God, Heaven forbid, I would just say "Well this one has no chance. She keeps falling into temptation and won't completely trust me with her life. She is screwed up. I can't help her anymore." My heart is slowly warming back up again. Where did all of this fire and passion go? Who opened the window of my heart and swept all of this frigid air in? I feel like God just put my heart in His microwave and hit the defrost button. I have been angry and numb to love and life and all of it's blessings. Why am I so blind? Why do I stray from my creator? Why doesn't God and everyone I know just give up on me? Satan is at work in me and I have let him in. Why didn't God sweep in earlier? Why am I so stupid? I need to learn so much. My prayers are simply cries out to the ceiling hanging overhead now. Where is God? Why can't he just send me a burning bush or part the sky and rumble the seas with His voice and tell me what to do? Where did that God go that turned the sea red and sent the ten plagues of egypt? I am one big disappointment. I am weak. Why can't I fully rely on God as my crutch? He is my peace and my joy and my strength. He turned me away from depression and self-hatrid thoughts of suicide and now I am scared of making another 180. The truth is I am terrified. I am terrified of turning into a nightmare. I am terrified of straying from God's plan. I am terrified of staying terrified. The sun rises and sets every day without me. My body inhales and exhales without me. I am straying but God is pulling on my arm so hard to return. To return to a peaceful place where I am wrapped in His arms and I am protected from sin and hatrid and depression. I want to be there whole-heartedly. I want to be there so badly. How do I get there? How can God just take me back? Why doesn't He just kick me out into the street and let me fend for myself? I don't understand it. His love is so unconditional. Slowly but sure I am defrosting. Hopefully soon my heart will be boiling. But for now the ice is just slowly turning into a puddle. This is simply an outpouring of my heart. Goodnight Moon. Goodnight all.

This video kills me everytime.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUiEeM5TAUY&feature=related

A Girl Called Gus and the Case of This Thing Called Life and the Final Goodbye.

Well so much has happened since my most recent blog about my dear friend Eugene, who has been MIA for quite awhile now. I must address this to the three B's: Becki, Becca, and Bryn, the only ones who ever read this forsaken blog. Life is darn good. Things have changed, but, I feel completely refreshed, free if you will. I've struck euphoria, one of the greatest treasures of them all, in the most unusual of places. This is my last and final blog. For now, I am exiting the cyber world. See you outside this realm my friends.
Sincerely,
Gus.