It's times like these when I feel like my prayers are in vain.

Just Call Me Alice..

Sometimes I feel like Alice, wandering around Wonderland trying to figure everything out. I'm falling down the rabbit hole entirely confused about everything in my life. I'm eating cookies and drinking potions that are supposed to make me fit just right but none of them are working. I feel like I'm a giant in a little house. I feel like I'm smaller than a flower in a garden. I'm continuing to wonder why I keep chasing that dastardly rabbit. Whether that rabbit be God, self-esteem, love, patience, or anything else that might cross my path. For the most part now I'm just more bitter than anything else. The truth is that I am afraid of falling astray. I just keep running and running trying to find that rabbit named God. But He is nowhere to be found. I know He must be near, but my heart has gone comatose, and I keep searching for some sort of revival. I wish I could say that its jolly times in Wonderland, but maybe the queen will cut off my head...

A Father killed His Son for an ant....

This life is constantly getting harder and easier all at one. I'll be able to breathe and then something will come in and trash my heart with graffiti and vandalism. Then those scars begin to heal and I'll be able to breath for a short while. All I really know is that I worship a huge and wonderful God that sacrificed his own Son for me. Its as if a Father and Son were walking down the street together and the Father looked down and saw an ant that He truly loved. That it was worth the blood, the hurt, and everything else. He sacrificed His own Son for this ant He saw on the ground. I am equivalent to the ant on the sidewalk. This blows my mind. This love knows no boundaries. It is steadfast. So while I am constantly weary, He is my solid rock upon which I stand. What can touch me with God?

Bodyguard.

"Here I am, full of dirt, chasing a God I don't deserve.

I am trying to be a better me, but I am stumbling in my daily routine.

Father, come into my heart.

Father, come into my heart.

Father, You're my Bodyguard.

Father, You're my Bodyguard.

Here I am, take all of me, mold my heart, and make me clean.

Your Grace has overcome my sin, You gave me a chance to be born again.

Father, come into my heart.

Father, come into my heart.

Father, You're my Bodyguard.

Father, You're my Bodyguard.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances,

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Father, come into my heart.

Father, come into my heart.

Father, You're my Bodyguard.

Father, You're my Bodyguard."


God is always there. Ready to forgive, strengthen, and comfort. His love is steadfast.

It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World.

I feel like I'm being consumed by the world and being pulled away from the kingdom of God.
I am jealous, anxious, angry, and fearful, all of these are emotions that God tells me I shouldn't feel. I shouldn't be jealous of someone else. I shouldn't be anxious about whether or not I'm doing the right thing. I shouldn't be angry at people. I shouldn't be fearful of going in the wrong direction.
This whole facebook-fasting thing hasn't done me well quite yet.
My lack of fellowship I feel is leading me astray.
I just want a telegram from God that gives me a map of what I should be doing right now.
He confirmed for me many times that I should be where I am, but it seems satan is getting in the way of this. It feels like he is reaching into my heart and yanking on my heartstrings until all that is left is the bad stuff---the stuff that I don't want anyone to see--the stuff that creates confusion and the "bad emotions" mentioned above. ^^.

This blog seems to do nothing more than to release some of the stuff that is on my mind.
My followers seems to have reached the number five. wahoo. I was never striving for fame anyways.
If you are reading this, Becca, Becki, Sarah, Rose, or Bryn, please pray.
Thank You.

nameless.

I'm such a loser.
I keep screwing up.
Sometimes I feel like I would be an exception for God's love since I continue to fail Him.
But still, God seems to be my only advocate.
His patience and love is astounding.


.....

Current Confessions.

I would sell my leg for some balance in my life right about now.
I'm gauging my ears which my mother isn't so fond of.
I'm less passionate about God right now.
I'm five weeks behind on my bible study in a year.
I'm jumping up to God as Satan is pulling me down.
I'm losing touch with friends.
I haven't read something that isn't required in months.
I'm losing patience for everything that is coming. A family. A career of ministry.
Bloody hell...

the end.